LEMON ENEMA'S HISTORY
Lemon enema were formed from the ashes of two bands in the autumn of 1996,the bands being FUEL and The Swamp Donkeyz.The line up at the time was
Paul-vocals,rhythm guitar
Andy-bass,backing vocals
Moz-lead guitar
Johnny Giles-drums
This line up established a set list and set about annoying the fuck out of anyone and everyone that came to see them.
The first gig was at the Shoulder of Mutton pub in Morley as part of a battle of the bands competition(we didn't win)This gig consisted of an half hour set and we had an amp sabotaged before we hit the stage.Undeterred we carried on and were a close run second.A few more shitty local gigs followed and on Thursday 27th February 1997 we recorded our first track.Supermarket Heroes.This has never been released,although it was used for a student film which the band have never seen,With more gigs,new songs and a small but growing following we were hit with our first setback.....Moz left(his wife had a kid and she wouldn't let him play out anymore)on 14th April 1997.After toying with the idea of becoming a 3 piece(Paul wasn't good enough on the guitar)we found another guitarist,Andy Holmes,who joined the band on 16th June 1997.To avoid confusion with the bass player we called him Andy!Exactly a month later he played his first gig supporting the Anti-Nowhere League,followed a week later by an festival appearance in Wakefield,where we earned the accolade of song of the festival,WHITE DOG SHIT.After playing upward of 30 gigs in the closing months of 1997 we were once again hit by a member leaving.This time John the drummer(that old chestnut musical differences being the reason).This was a big problem as we were now drummerless but worse still we had no where to practice. Adverts were posted in Leeds/Bradford but no one answered.A chance meeting in a curry house led to the arrival of Troy.
Troy would fill the drum stool for the next year or so.A mad mountain biker with 65 facial piercings Troy certainly looked the part but his kit was older than Andy the bassist (very old) and in need of repair.After selling tickets for a support slot with the Business we managed to by the kit some new legs, this helped to keep it upright but didn't do anything for the songs timing.A new practice place was found in the shape of Brian's cellar (Brian was Pauls ex Father in law) and we set about annoying the neighbours.Troy's first gig was a support slot with the U.K.Subs and he shit himself,Players in Wakefield isn't exactly Wembley Stadium, but 200 screaming fans was enough to put anyone off,especially when it's your first gig.After a couple of low gigs we went our furthest yet, to Derby as opener for Oi Polloi.We were late. The lad on the door wasn't going to let us in even though we were carrying in guitars etc. We were eventually let in and came on second to a nearly full house.
Paul's habit of wearing a Leeds shirt at every gig nearly ended up in him getting a bit of a beating but this was soon sorted out as Andy (bass) smacked a kid in the head with the end of his bass, to which Paul shouted "anyone else want a fucking go!".The kid sat down rubbing a sore head and the trouble fizzled out. All in all an excellent night out.The next night we were in Manchester with Krill,which was another excuse for Pauls' Leeds shirt, but no trouble this time. After getting daft looks from Born Ugly's guitarist we played a blinder only to have Andy (guitarist) reverse his car into a high kerb and brake his exhaust. The money we earned that night just about paid for a new one.
Troy left the band at the end of '98 as he was going through a divorce and had lost the plot. His contribution was never that much but he did leave the band with one fond memory,The Business used his kit at Bradford Rio's and during their set the hi-hats fell over!! to make this even better they were being filmed by Barnend videos for all to see. Cheers Troy.We carried on in Brian's cellar with Paul playing the drums, but we were getting nowhere fast. To add to this Paul was on the verge of splitting up with his missus so we called it a day for now. Andy (guitar) was kicked out for knowing about Paul's ex's affair and we eventually got back together in April '99 as a 3 piece with Kev Grainger taking over the drum duties.
Kev had been in countless bands before and was good enough to make his debut a fortnight after joining when we supported Instant Agony in Leeds. The gig was a disaster,Kev's nerves getting the better of him. A return gig was arranged but Instant Agony split before it happened. With a full set quickly learnt it was obvious Kev needed a little more time to get the songs right.The break he needed came with another shock.
Brian (Paul's ex-father in law)died on the 18th July 1999. He had been diagnosed with cancer a couple of years earlier and we had written a song about this, Coping With Cancer, the only serious song we had ever done. In return for the tribute to him he wrote us a song which he called "Bollocks To You Bastards" we eventually performed it as Brian's song. He is sadly missed.
More gigs followed including a slot at the now sadly defunct Duchess in Leeds, again the following was growing but unbeknown to Paul and Andy, Kev wasn't happy. A riotous gig at a shitty club in Bradford (Nexus) went well enough but Kev was already making his plans to leave. He had met some young lads who wanted to form a band.
An offer came to play in Wisbech at an halloween party which was accepted and we would play one of our best gigs ever. No real organisation was evident on our arrival and Paul proceded to take charge. The other bands stood open mouthed as he set all his equipment up even though they weren't due to play for 2 hours. Much piss taking was dished out to the crowd when we eventually played our slot.After three quarters of an hours worth of abuse we dropped our gear and made for the bar.After headling a 4 band gig with the Short and Curlies,Lowlife and Whizzwood, which was meant to be £2 but the tight crusty bastards wouldn't pay so we made it free and sent Stoney (ex-Lowlife) with a hat, we played our last gig,to date.
Saturday 18th December 1999
The Empress, Bradford with Vanilla Pod, Freaks Union,Lowlife,Jon Does,Whizz Wood and the Undesirables.
Paul travelled to the gig on West Yorkshires finest public transport and was first to arrive. He quickly discovered it was £1 a pint and proceded to make the most of the offer. After much arguing about the running order we were landed with the bombshell of "Your fucking Headlining". The excuses ranged from "we headlined last night in Leeds and were too tired"(Vanilla Pod)to "we can't get pissed if we go on last"(Lowlife).Paul by this time was well pissed but we carried on anyway.
First song in and the drums stop,Paul thinks Kev has kicked the kit over only to find out the rackmount has collapsed. Kev throws a paddy and shouts "i can't play on this bag of shit" and storms off the stage. He was quickly PERSUADED to get back on stage and the kit was held up by Dave and Stoney(Lowlife) for the next hour or so.
A fine night by all accounts but a bit vague in Pauls memory.
New songs were practiced, old songs were dropped but Kev still wasn't happy. Paul was asked if he wanted to play drums at a practice with Kev and his new band (Dolly Buster)he went along and had to stop himself from laughing,they were appaling and only had 2 songs.Paul went to Berlin for the Holidays in the Sun gig(5/6/7 May 2000) had a great time and was promised a couple of gigs around the country only to find out when he got back that Kev wanted out. We weren't doing what he wanted to do and apart from that he wanted to concentrate on his new band, so he left.Good luck Kev (you'll fucking need it)
To be continued..............?
Late news Paul joined Lowlife after Stoney decided he wanted to move to Darlington.
In a little over three and a half years Lemon Enema had the opportunity to play with some of the best punk bands in England (as well as some of the worst) and had a fucking great time. No songs were officially released during this time and only 50 t shirts were ever made/sold.Despite this we built up quite a sizeable following and who knows one day we may return.
If anyone is interested Paul has tapes of everything we ever did and if asked nicely will release them on a 1 off basis.For more info contact Paul on
paulmason.oioioi@lineone.net
